Let me start by saying: this is the article I never imagined I’d write. When I was pregnant with my first and just getting started on my parenting journey, I was blissfully unaware of how much urine would be involved in my life in just a few short months.
Fast forward, I’m now a mom of all boys–and pregnant with another boy! Unwelcome pee is a staple in our household, including an unfortunate incident last night when my son placed his unwanted vegetables in the bathroom trash can and peed on them. (The vegetables were peas — oh how ironic!)
Anyway, I shared that delightful story on The Wild, Wild West Facebook Page and it was the best decision I’ve ever made! SO many moms popped into the comments to share their peeing horror stories (the comment count is currently at 480, and still rising). Some of these stories were so funny, I nearly peed my own pants reading them.
I’ve decided to share some of the best ones with you here, so please, enjoy these funny stories that will make you pee your pants laughing.
If you’re raising boys, you’ll get a solid dose of solidarity with your laugh.
If you’re raising girls (or if you’re not raising kids altogether), you can enjoy a laugh at the expense of some of these boy moms!
Funny stories about kids peeing anywhere and everywhere
As an adult, we take for granted that pee goes in the toilet (or diaper, for the littles), and that’s that. Well, kids are famous for their imaginations, and that applies to creative places to urinate.
One mom recalls just such a creatively awful experience.
“I have a spray bottle that I fill with water when I’m doing my daughter’s hair. Well when my boys were younger, they thought it’d be funny to pee in it. I was not amused when I sprayed it in her hair!! I can laugh about it now but man o man…”
Of course, we’re quick to bemoan the fact that kids today aren’t getting enough outdoors time. Some of these little boys are addressing this perceived shortage by taking their bathroom adventures into the Great Outdoors.
Cassandra says,
“My boy child prefers peeing outside. He’ll run farther to go out back than the distance to make it to the actual indoor temperature controlled bathroom. I probably need to put a stop to it at some point… but it’s less pee to clean off the seat/floor/walls.”
Some kids prefer to keep their peeing adventures a little closer to home. Inside the home, that is. With (ahem, on) their favorite people.
“When my son was around 2 or 3, I was studying for my college class sitting on the couch. I guess I was not paying him enough attention as he was asking me a question, [and] the next thing I knew, he whipped it out to pee all over my feet! From then on I always listened to what he had to say!!”
–Well, that’s certainly one way to get mom’s attention!
Kids Are Funny Little Scientists, and Peeing is the Greatest Experiment
Kids are also known for being “little scientists” — so interested in the natural world around them. Unfortunately, that interest often extends to bodily secretions.
As Kellie explained, of her little scientists,
“My lovely cherubs secretly peed in a plastic bath toy and put it in my freezer to see if it turned to ice. Imagine my curiosity when I pulled it out of the freezer!
Of course, frozen pee sounds like a dream compared to what Maggie’s kids discovered about physics.
“I had put a fan in my bathroom to circulate the air and to dry it out faster after cleaning it. One day, I finally figured out why it smelled of urine so bad and what the random spots on the walls were (that appeared from nowhere)- while the fan was on, my son proceeded to pee into it. He thought it was so cool how it sprayed up and all over. Good times……”
Pee circulated by a ceiling fan is pretty awful. The question is: is it worse than pee diffused in a humidifier?
According to Michelle,
“One of mine (the 4yo) dismantled his humidifier, peed in the basin, put the humidifier back together, and apparently went on with his day. It took us 3 days to figure out why his room reeked of piss. Thought he was peeing on the carpet (again). Nope. He took things to a whole other level.”
But the most disgusting science-experiment-gone-awry story shared with me was definitely this one:
“I think the worst was discovering why their bathroom never smelled clean. After months we discovered that one of my dear boys was collecting fecal samples in a drawer in the bathroom. There were dozens of little balls all in different states of dehydration. He ‘liked watching how they changed.’”
–There is a special place in heaven waiting for that boy’s mama!
Potty training not going well? Make sure you gave specific instructions…
Potty training is frequently a landmine of urine (or worse)-filled disasters.
Parents do their best to advise their kids on how peeing in the potty should be done, but sometimes, a little something gets lost in toddler translation.
Cany recalls,
“When my little boy was learning to go pee on the toilet like a big boy would, I told him he needed to practice his aim …..so one day I go walking into his room to find him on his bed pants around his ankles and little glad plastic containers spread around in front of him on the floor. I panicked and asked what the hell he was doing. [His response]: Practicing peeing like you told me to. Lesson learned: make sure you tell them to practice in the toilet!”
Amanda’s son also struggled with the idea that potty-training was more than just keeping your diaper clean. She explains why my son peeing in our trash can was actually far better than her situation.
“Well, at least he didn’t poop on the door mat at the back door. Yes this totally happened. I was potty training my son. He came and got me, led me to the back door and pointed. He totally thought it was an awesome thing that he didn’t poop in his diaper. [Needless] to say that mat went in trash.
Of course, the danger hasn’t passed just because your child successfully peed in the potty. Make sure you’re clear on what is supposed to happen next. Traci explains,
“Mine, whilst potty training, was emptying his pee container from his mini training potty INTO HIS BROTHER’S HAMPER, for a week straight, before anyone noticed.”
Every mom I know hates laundry, but a urine-filled hamper would certainly take my laundry hatred to a whole new level!
Funny you should ask — no, I wasn’t aware that peeing was an Olympic event.
Kids, boys in particular, are known for pushing the envelope physically. I personally have prevented my own children from jumping onto, off of, over, or into a variety of near-death scenarios.
Apparently, that physicality also extends to the act of going potty.
Kimi writes,
“I never understood why the boys’ bathroom was ALWAYS nasty and smelled sooo bad until I walked into their bedroom and caught one of them standing in the bedroom OUTSIDE the bathroom door trying to hit the toilet while peeing. Thank the Lord for tile floors is all I can say. Boys are GROSS.”
Kristi’s kids are also, apparently, competing in the distance competition.
“I looked out my kitchen window last week while doing dishes to see a yellow stream arching 10 yards from our 9 year old on the deck. Even his older brothers were impressed with his distance. And this is why we live in the country.”
Like the real olympics, some parts of the Pee Olympics can only take place during the Winter Games. Penmanship is apparently one of those winter olympic events, as Susie recounts,
“I got suspicious one snowy day when all three of my boys kept coming in the house for drinks of water. Found out they were writing their names in the snow bank in the backyard!”
When In Doubt, Lower Your Standards for Potty-Training / Pee Success
Parenting is nothing if not a steady process of lowering one’s standards. When I think about my perception of parenthood, before I had any kids, I could laugh for days.
The stories in this section are a true testament to the lowered standards that parenting produces!
Jen explains, “Mine peed in a plastic Easter bucket and brought it to me, totally proud of himself that he didn’t pee on the floor instead.”
And beyond low standards, parenting also teaches you to look on the bright side! As Jamie explains,
“I have 4 boys and if only they would pee in the trash!– At least [all the pee] would be in one spot! I swear on everything, I have never scrubbed bathroom walls so much in my life!”
I can attest that parenting boys has most certainly lowered the standards I keep here in our own fraternity house. Jamie continues to hammer home that point, adding,
“They once took turns peeing in a plastic volcano to make “lava.” Our friend with daughters was horrified. I was like “you kidding? They had a common goal, executed it WITHOUT FIGHTING, and AIMED INTO A TINY HOLE. Parenting win for us.”
See?! There may be pee in all kinds of undesirable places, but that doesn’t mean you need to get your panties in a twist! (Ok, I actually hate that expression, but I felt like it just went so well here with the topic, I couldn’t resist).
Have you been the unfortunate witness to a hilarious (to everyone but you) pottying disaster? If so, I’d love to hear about it in the comments!
If you enjoyed this post, you may also like:
How Every Frat Party Has Prepared You For Parenthood
How to Decide If You’re Done Having Kids: The Pinterest Vasectomy Board!
Bad Parenting Quotes That Are Actually Hilarious
Hilarious Ways You Can NOT Be a Hot Mess When You’re Spouse Gets Home
