March is the Absolute Worst Month of the Year

At this craptastic time of year (winter, that is), you’ve likely seen many articles claiming that January or February is the worst month of the year. 

I’m sorry. Those writers were either mistaken or flat-out liars.

March is the actual worst.

Here’s why:

January is no picnic, I grant you. Everyone knows it’s basically a cold, month-long hangover from the holidays when you make a bunch of resolutions you have no intention of keeping.

February gets a bad rap too because it’s in the dead of winter and everyone feels very “over it” by then.

However, I think we ought to acknowledge that at least February is honest; it’s up-front. Everyone knows that February is going to be ridiculously cold. It will also be a month riddled with snow days (most of them, snow-less snow days, if your school district is anything like mine) and all the mamas will start to go insane.

With February, what you see is what you get.

March is worse because March is a liar.

March gets everyone excited for Spring (the first day of Spring is March 20, after all). We get all aflutter at the idea of flowers, butterflies, warm days, and enjoyable time outside.

But it’s all a farce.

Half the time, March is just another winter month, snow and all. If you thought you’d had it up to here with winter in February, just wait and see how far beyond “over it” you feel come March.

Guess how my kids spent March 1 in our house this year? Home from school for another day of frozen precipitation.

Sure, sometimes March brings nice weather,  but you can’t count on March. March is like your manipulative ex, sometimes hot, sometimes cold. March is that flaky friend who says they’re coming, but you know there’s really only a 50-50 chance they’ll actually show.

March is a bad relationship any way you slice it.

If you’re one of those people who actually enjoys the cold, please rest assured that March’s problems go far beyond the weather.

There are no federal holidays in March.

Zero. Zilch. Nada.

For working parents, that means you’re going to work every single day (well, unless you catch the dreaded stomach bug, which also makes a strong showing in March).

For stay-at-home parents, that means you’re on your own, five loooooooong days per week, for the entire month.

Yes, there is St. Patrick’s Day, but that holiday has lost its luster since becoming a parent.

I mean sure, I’ll dress my kids in green, but I won’t be partying with green beer, yelling, “Kiss Me, I’m Irish!” I’ve been kissing the same man for more than a decade now and he knows I’m not Irish. Plus, Mama needs a full night’s sleep and can’t be feeling run-down come March 18.

Some years, God throws us a bone and Easter falls in March. That’s a pretty glorious holiday (thank you Jesus, quite literally), but even Easter falls in April most of the time.

Then there’s March Madness.

Personally, I love college basketball. My team has been very good for a while now (Go Hoos!), but I still end up perpetually heartbroken in March when their winning streak is cut short.

For those of you who are not a fan of the sport, it’s everywhere. You’ll be asked to fill out a bracket by friends, coworkers, even your Bible study friends.

Plus, if your spouse is into March Madness, there’s a 67/68 chance his team won’t be winning it all this year. Hello, Grumpy Pants!

For families with kids in sports, the spring sports season typically starts up in March as well. That means it’s time to resume the mad-scramble that is shuffling everyone to and from practices and games. It’s also time to freeze your @$$ off on the sidelines for a solid month because, as I said, Spring in March is a lie. You’re also back to serving family dinner at 4:00 pm or 8:00 pm. Delightful!

Say what you want about February, but I think it has earned its rightful spot in 11th place, squarely behind sneaky, dishonest March.

If you want to give March a solid upgrade, the best thing I can recommend is birthing a baby during that 31-day span. Then you’ll have something to celebrate every year in what is otherwise the lousiest month. (My mama’s birthday is in March and it is definitely the highlight of an otherwise craptacular month.)

Short of adding another human to your family roster, what’s the best thing you can look forward to in March? Well, March means it’s almost April — and April is the real deal.

Hang in there, friends!

*****

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